the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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