I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need to sanitize my soul.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
