she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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