Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
