i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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