Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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