This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
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I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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