just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
