You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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