Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
