dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
