Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i came on her dog
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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