Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
