the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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