Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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