i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
