Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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