no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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