WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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