but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want to make out with him forever
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
