it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
