she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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