not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
