So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
