Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
