Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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