But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
