i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
