I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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