Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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