And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
