when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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