I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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