I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
