He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
