Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
