You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is Oprah even human
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
