I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
