mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
