We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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