She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
