First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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