Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
