There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
