I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
