Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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