Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
