Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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