I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
