i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
