I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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