Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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