I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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