an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
