you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
