i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
