Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
