At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
