I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Found your dick twin last night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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