shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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