I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i love accidental penises.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Randomize
