I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
