just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
