So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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