no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
