my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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