flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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