Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
