don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
